Yesterday marked the end of the first full calendar month without her. I can’t understand how time is going so fast, taking me further and further away from the last time I saw her.
She died on a Friday. The Sunday before I spent the whole day with her. We watched shows she had recorded for us to watch together. Two shows she’d had since last summer, and she felt an urgency to watch them that day. It was raining. We were going to go out to get our Christmas tree, but as the rain came down steadily we decided to stay home instead. We were curled up on the couch.
I talked to her Wednesday night. Just for a minute, to make plans to have dinner that weekend.
Lately it sort of hits me all at once, all over again. Her absence seems so surreal and impossible that for just a moment I sit there trying to figure out if she is really gone or if I am just having a bad dream.
I wish she was here. I wish she could have seen Obama sworn in. I wish she could have seen my apartment. I know there are going to be a million things I will wish she could be a part of. This is only the beginning.
Beth Honey,
She sees it all. She’ll continue to see it all.
Love you!
Comment by Becca — February 1, 2009 @ 7:17 pm
[...] rather, she gave me a hug for the last time. I’ve already told the story of that last night. Twice. But here it is. December 14. Her body was so full of life it still seems impossible that she could [...]
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